Sex, Sales, and the Invention of ‘Sexy’

From perfume ads to publicized scandals, it seems like sex is happening everywhere but your bedroom.

Essential to any mature romantic partnership, sex is so horribly mistreated by mass media.  As a result of this miscommunication, some young girls try too hard to be what is shown to them as ‘sexy,’ many women develop sexual insecurities as they age, and a large amount of young adults feel pressure to be sexually active, regardless of relationship status.

The bottom line is that Hollywood commodifies sex as something consumable largely by a certain age group with certain physical characteristics.  In turn, you have probably experienced moments of insecurities that translate antithetically into  lack of action.

It’s time to get over that hump.

We’ll start by examining from where your image of sexiness comes.  You’ve probably seen the various fashion advertisements, in which twenty-something female models pose provocatively next to oiled down male counterparts.  Though products of economically successful marketing campaigns, they are especially problematic to self-image.  In one fitness advertisement,* each woman wears a revealing bathing suit, seven-inch heels, two pounds of face makeup, and three hours of hairstyling.  The majority of the models stand in traditional poses with scouring expressions, but subtly noticed are the markings on their skin that reference the initial stages of a liposuction procedure.

The primary message being that exercise eliminates the need for such drastic measures, it still expresses a kind of discontent with the body and thus represents a very twisted form of ‘sexy.’  Whether the featured male’s lack of markings implies something about masculinity and femininity is up for you to decide, but what is does clearly indicate is that the natural body is meant to be shaped towards some notion of perfection.

This kind of representation of the female body seen throughout advertisements, television shows, and films can have a very negative impact on self-image, which translates poorly in the bedroom.  Whether you’re genetically thin or voluptuous, it’s next to impossible to compare yourself to these models of sexuality if you’re past your twenties, you’ve had kids, or you have a job that doesn’t consist entirely of maintaining a photographable body.

If you for a moment feel yourself comparing yourself to these paid and Photoshopped models, you are not only being ridiculous, but you have failed to recognize your own sexiness.

What you must understand is that ‘sexy’ is not a physical characteristic, but a state of mind.  It’s the confidence with which you carry yourself, it’s the confidence with which you speak about yourself, and it’s the confidence with which you get naked.  Sexy is kissing your loved one on the neck when least expected, not locking yourself in the bathroom for hours at a time, and inviting shared shower time, rather than staring at the number on a scale.

It’s true that being sexy may inspire healthy practices such as exercise, but no amount of exercise can create sexiness.

Thus, if you feel you and your partner’s love life has lost the lust, see if it has anything to do with the insecurities media has fed your subconscious mind over the years.  Once you’ve recognized such thought patterns, learn to let them go and begin seeing yourself as an authentically beautiful individual.  That newly found confidence is sure to create a spark.

So close the magazine, turn off your TV, get naked, and be safe.

Written by Yasmine Elli.

*The company that produced this image has been intentionally left anonymous, as the following content is not meant to criticize the corporation nor its affiliates in any way.